The Terror of Lostness

Forgive me, I know lostness isn’t a word, but it is the word that fits best here.
All day yesterday I was struggling, I could barely hold back the tears, and life just seemed overwhelming.  I was angry and upset, and feeling undone. While there were many factual frustrations in the day, the way my mind and emotions were handling them were out of the norm for me. I kept telling my roommate, this is not normal for me. This is not how I usually handle stress or frustration.  I kept crying out to the Lord for help, but it wasn’t until the evening that I stopped and really inquired about why I was feeling the way I was, and what is was that I was even really feeling.

As many of you know the Father often speaks to me in pictures. I immediately saw a picture of a little girl lost in the market- people coming and going. She has been separated from her father. The father could still see her and knew where she was, but she didn’t know where the father was. She was LOST and TERRIFIED. The expression on the child’s face was horror and she cried out in fear.  (This picture was even more intense and real, as yesterday and today were what they call “small Holi” and “big Holi”, which is a Hin*du festival. We have hundred of extra people who have come to our city to celebrate, the streets are packed and you can barely walk on the street in some areas, much less drive.  A car almost hit me twice yesterday, as many people are drunk or maddened with excitement. The intensity of the crowd is real, as well as the possibility for a child to feel lost. The darkness in the atmosphere is heavy.)

It was as if the father was saying I was feeling lost and terrified and separated from him in the strong emotions I was feeling yesterday.  I was a little confused, and questioned, “but why? I don’t feel this, G*d”?

As quickly as I asked, the Father responded and said, “you have been asking to feel my heart.  My children, the people of India feel this every day- deep-rooted fear, lost and separated, apart from me. They feel the terror of lostness. They have no true security apart from me. My heart hurts when I can see them and know where they are, but they can’t see me.  My heart hurts when my child are lost in fear and apart from me.”

And just like that, BAM! The understanding set it and the emotional struggle left instantly. This was the lesson He was trying to teach me; the feeling of lostness I needed to feel as well in order to really feel His heart for His children.


This week as we celebrate the HOLY week of Easter, please join me in interceding for the lost here in India who are celebrating Holi and apart from the Father living in fear.  Happy Easter!

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