The Terror of Lostness
All day yesterday I was struggling, I could barely hold back
the tears, and life just seemed overwhelming.
I was angry and upset, and feeling undone. While there were many factual
frustrations in the day, the way my mind and emotions were handling them were
out of the norm for me. I kept telling my roommate, this is not normal for me.
This is not how I usually handle stress or frustration. I kept crying out to the Lord for help, but
it wasn’t until the evening that I stopped and really inquired about why I was
feeling the way I was, and what is was that I was even really feeling.
As many of you know the Father often speaks to me in
pictures. I immediately saw a picture of a little girl lost in the market- people
coming and going. She has been separated from her father. The father could
still see her and knew where she was, but she didn’t know where the father was.
She was LOST and TERRIFIED. The expression on the child’s face was horror and
she cried out in fear. (This picture was
even more intense and real, as yesterday and today were what they call “small
Holi” and “big Holi”, which is a Hin*du festival. We have hundred of extra
people who have come to our city to celebrate, the streets are packed and you
can barely walk on the street in some areas, much less drive. A car almost hit me twice yesterday, as many
people are drunk or maddened with excitement. The intensity of the crowd is
real, as well as the possibility for a child to feel lost. The darkness in the
atmosphere is heavy.)
It was as if the father was saying I was feeling lost and
terrified and separated from him in the strong emotions I was feeling
yesterday. I was a little confused, and
questioned, “but why? I don’t feel this, G*d”?
As quickly as I asked, the Father responded and said, “you
have been asking to feel my heart. My
children, the people of India feel this every day- deep-rooted fear, lost and
separated, apart from me. They feel the terror of lostness. They have no true
security apart from me. My heart hurts when I can see them and know where they
are, but they can’t see me. My heart
hurts when my child are lost in fear and apart from me.”
And just like that, BAM! The understanding set it and the
emotional struggle left instantly. This was the lesson He was trying to teach
me; the feeling of lostness I needed to feel as well in order to really feel
His heart for His children.
This week as we celebrate the HOLY week of Easter, please
join me in interceding for the lost here in India who are celebrating Holi and
apart from the Father living in fear.
Happy Easter!
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