Yes, I am coming!

Yesterday was a rough day.  The build up of the thought I would be able to Skype friends and family this week (Week of Christmas) and have working internet was so high that when it didn’t happen my expectations came crashing to the ground, along with my heart and emotions. Despair is a real thing.  It can happen in sickness, in circumstances, in hardship, and even in the little day to day things, like going without internet.

I sat listening to the lyrics to the song, “Nothing is Wasted” by Elevation worship.

It’s so true.  He can work all things together for good, and USE all things.  So I asked, “Dad, what are you doing in this one? In this moment?  What is there to learn?  How can these feelings of despair not be wasted.”

Dad then spoke something I wasn’t expecting...
He said, “Didi, for years, for centuries, people left their fathers and mothers, and families and friends to go to unseen lands to share my truth.  They left all they had, and they went with their items packed in a coffin. They went never expecting to hear from home or see family again. Going, meant a forever goodbye. I called them, and I call you too.  I do not call you to things that I will not help you through. I am with you!”

Then he took it another step forward…. Another level…

“What if I call you to places where you will not have internet, or working wifi for weeks or months at a time?  Will you go? What if this is training ground and preparation for those days?  What if this is the lesson not wasted?  Will you trust me in this too?  You said, you will die for me, will you give up internet and the regularity of electricity to go for me?”

Somehow it seems easier to give my literal life than my “desires” for internet and connection to the States.  The reality is, it is not.  Giving my life, means giving up connection and family and wifi and giving my literal life.  All of it belongs to him. If I can’t give up wifi, I am not sure in moment I would actually also be willing to give my life.  My desire is for all of Him and to give him ALL of me not just the parts I want to, but all of me! 

A friend sent me a quote on desire. “We will not obey without desire to be like Jesus. We need our desire to be awakened. We have killed desire thinking what we truly want is out of reach.” But the truth is Jesus brought it down to us.  He can awaken this desire in us and prove to us that it is possible. I want to want Him. I want to want ALL His ways and plans.  I want to be used as He desires.  I want His desires to be mine.  I want to be like His son. Oh Lord, I cry out, make me like you! Awaken desire, and help me to see your Kingdom come, your will be done.  I think of Psalms 27. “My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me’ and my heart responds, ‘L***, I am coming.’”

It IS possible, because of what the Son has done for us.  Through him I live and move and breath and have my being.  Through Him I stay and I persevere, and I see Him accomplish His work in and through me.

He has a plan! “I look to you Oh Dad.  Accomplish your work in me and in India!”

On a different but related note, many think I “sacrifice” to come here....They say, “wow, you are giving your all to Dad.” I am being reminded that it is a privilege to be here. While I offer Dad my life, He offers me the opportunity to be right here in this country and serve. He sacrificed that I might be here. He made a way. My attitude must be one of continual praise and thanksgiving, not one of “here I am giving Dad my all and sacrificing a better life.” I am living the highest life and call and for this I am thankful.

I am reading a book, “Apostolic Spark”-by Jeff Hartensveld. It is free on Kindle right now.  He says, the work here can’t be about me.  Dad doesn’t need me. He invites me (and you) to join in His grand plan for all mankind, so all can hear. Participation in the end time harvest on any level whether praying, going or giving, is a privilege and will be counted as a blessing in our lives.

Hartensveld also quotes William Booth who said: “‘Not called!’ did you say? ‘Not heard the call,’ I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father’s house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look C**ist in the face—whose mercy you have professed to obey—and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world.”
—William Booth


It’s not that I sacrifice but that Dad sacrificed His son. He made a way, and now I am privileged that He would allow me to be part of the team to share His good news. He has called, and I answer, “yes Dad, I am coming!”

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