Exchange for Grief

I'd be lying if I said everything has been okay.  It's been a struggle the last few weeks. I am in a process of understanding expectations to a new degree.

Expectations and grief they often go hand in hand.  So often we have our heart set on something, or we expect something with such intensity, it’s as if it has already happened. We make things a done deal in our thoughts.  We think, “My friend will come and together we can have a nice relaxing weekend”.  But then the friend gets sick and doesn’t show up, and someone knocks at the door and unexpectedly comes in.  It’s not what we thought.  We think, “Surely that person will be able to help me”.  But in reality the person can’t meet our needs. We think, “Of course I can complete all this work in a few hours”, but in the end we only accomplish one out of the ten things on our list of things to do.  We think, “I am sure this concert is going to be amazing”, but the sound bounces off the walls, and the musicians forget their music, and the concert doesn’t quite meet our expectation.

Isn’t this so often how it goes?

Whether it’s a person, an event, or a circumstance, we subconsciously make expectations in our minds that often aren’t met in reality.

I have a wise friend and she once told me, “there is reality and there is the expectations that we set.  There is usually a gap in between, because usually our expectations are higher than reality.  Something must always fill that gap; usually its anger or disappointment, and sometimes it’s both. UGH!

I am living the grief of my own expectations these days. Expectations I had of myself, expectations I had of others, of circumstances, even of G*d in some ways. Grief is a real thing, filled with anger, denial, brokenness, overwhelming sadness, waves of confusion, debilitating sorrow, humility, etc.  I am thankful for a G*d that says, “sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning”.  There is hope.  I have a Hope, His name is Je$us. Even in my own wretchedness and sinfulness to be upset at G*d for “not meeting my expectations”, I simultaneously can receive His love and grace and kindness that lead me to repentance.  What an amazing loving G*d we serve? 

If you know me, you know that I often talk about the “Divine Exchange” that I believe G*d offers us- beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, garments of praise instead of a spirit of despair (Is. 61).  I believe that just like anger or disappointment can fill the gap between reality and our expectations, we can also offer that gap to the Father, and because of the cro$s, we can ask the Father what he wants to give us in exchange for the “gap”. We can offer it to Him, and He can offer us something better.  He bore the sin, He bore the sorrow, and He bore the confusion.  It’s a done deal.  We don’t have to hold on to it or let it wear us down.

Today, in exchange for the “gap” I have been facing, in exchange for my own sinful ways, in change for sorrow and brokenness, in exchange for anger, I hear the Father say: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor. 13:13)”.  Today, I am thankful for the GREAT EXCHANGE that is afforded for us through the cro$s.