STUCK

Lately, I have been struggling with this feeling of just being stuck.  I feel like I am in a bubble. I try to study, it doesn’t happen. I try to do work and I can’t. I try to memorize Hindi and I can’t.  I try to pray and my mind shifts to something else. I try to focus on needed things, and nothing gets accomplished.

I have been told 6 months is the turning point of culture adjustment and many people hit a wall of frustrations, irritations, anger, sadness, etc, before moving forward. Maybe that’s what is happening. Next week, I will have been here for 8 months and haven’t felt this “wall” yet that I hear others talking about. I have moments of culture transition, but not this deep pit or high wall that I hear others discussing.  Maybe my bubble is the wall.

It’s like an invisible bubble that is all around me. It’s so frustrating.  I am a doer. I can’t “do” in a bubble.  I hit a wall as I try to “do” and I bounce off and hit the other side. I run in the bubble like the hamster in the exercise ball. It’s futile and useless. It’s frustrating and makes you weary.  It’s an endless cycle.  While I do feel some of this is $piritual oppression keeping me from focusing on the reasons I am here.  I also see my own $in of self-effort, of being a “do-er” and not a “be-er”.  They say being in heavy places draws out your own “junk”.  This bubble and cycle is spinning all my junk to the surface. The Father is wise. He is able to show me any offensive way in me.  I want a pure heart before Him.

I am reminded of the story of Mary and Martha.  Martha was a “do-er”.  Mary was a “be-er”. Mary knew what was most important and she learned to just “BE” at the feet of Je$us.  A year before I came to India, the Father spoke a work to me. Follow my explicit directions, implicitly.  I remember looking up the words in the dictionary to see what he was really saying. 

Explicit- meaning very detailed, clearly defined and expressed, leaving no doubt about the meaning.

Implicit- meaning no doubt or reservation, not affected by doubt.

He is specific. He gives directions. He gives wisdom, and I am to trust and obey implicitly. While He requires action from us at times, He is the one that leads the way. He requires us to “BE” with Him, and from that place of “being”; He does the “DO-ing” through His spirit.  Apart from Him I can do nothing. Only in implicitly “being” will I be successful for the explicit plans He calls me to.

Today, I ask you to pr* with me to wait on Him, to sit at His feet like Mary, to learn to be a “be-er”. To “do” as I see my Father doing, just like the Son did.  I ask you to seek the Father with me to break every form of $piritual heaviness and oppression that bring lack of focus and ability to do what is needed each day, but most of all to break any cycle of self effort that keeps me “doing” and not “being”.  I want to sit, “be”, seek Him, hear Him, and THEN allow His $pirit to empower me to the work He calls me to, whether that be learning Hindi, talking with a new friend, or replying to an email.

I am so thankful for your Pr*yer support! I feel it and know it’s effective. We are miles apart, but powerful in bat*le are the pr*yers of the righ*teous one.

THANK YOU!