Mountain Heights to Valley Lows


You may have noticed there haven’t been many blogs in the last year. I had, for all intents and purposes, stopped writing. Even this post I debated how to word and if I should post it at all. The last year has been hard. 

All of us have experienced highs and lows in life. The mountain tops of bliss and joy, and the desert valleys of hardship and pain. There isn’t one of us that is immune to these terrains of life. 

The physical terrain of the mountains and valleys in India often remind me of our journey in life. Climbing long trails for hours at steep elevations can feel exhausting and impossible at times. I have been on treks where I wondered if I could keep going or if I could make it home. I have also experienced the breathtaking wonder of God’s creation at the top of the mountain and the taste of victory of having “pressed through”. The valleys actually have a beauty all their own and are often worth the trek both down and up the mountain, though it can be a hard fact to convince those who haven’t experienced it. 

I can remember one specific trek where my heart condition was playing a major role and I left for the morning feeling much chest pain. Knowing in my heart I was still supposed to go, I made my way down to the valley. On that day, a man gave his life to Jesus for the first time. There was no question the journey was very hard that day, but there was also no question the journey was worth the cost. 

I feel like all my tough journeys end with beauty and wonder. Nothing is ever wasted and even in the hardest circumstances I can always look back and say it was worth the cost. 

The last year has felt very much like a steep upwards mountain climb. Admittedly, I hated most of the last year. In the last year, I experienced a miscarriage, a difficult pregnancy with many scares, a difficult labor, and then a difficult season of postpartum depression after. I struggled to see the positive and find joy for the day. The “whys” wandered in my mind much more than I wish I had to admit:

Why me, God? Why now? Why this? Why? Self pity, doubts, and frustration and disappointment with God marred my vision and my joy. I was miserable. I didn’t want to see people. I couldn’t enjoy life and the things I normally loved. I could hardly pray. At moments I felt breathless almost like the steep climbs of India leave me on treks. 

It’s hard to admit these things. It’s hard to be vulnerable and weak before others. I am the “M” in India. I am the pastor’s wife. I am suppose to have it all together. I am not suppose to doubt or fear or struggle with depression. I am suppose to be perfect and my life is suppose to be perfect.

What a farce! What a lie from the enemy. Living for your own view of perfectionism or an ideal view of others’ perfectionism is not only exhausting, it’s impossible. When we begin to believe a lie we live and act as if it were true.  I know that the Word says in this world you will have tribulation, but for some reason I expected a perfect little life and ease. The funny thing is, I know that’s not reality and I have experienced too much of life and struggles to really believe that lie.  But somehow I gave the lie room to wander in my heart and mind. 

Jeremiah 32:40- “I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.”

God is so faithful. He uses it all. The mountain heights and the valley lows to teach us. He uses joy. He uses pain. He uses lies. He uses truth. He uses it all to teach us and make us more like him. And not one season is wasted. And through it all we learn to trust Him more and see his faithfulness and goodness again and again. He WILL do good to us. 
I had a good friend once tell me, “you can’t live on the mountain tops”. And she said that she wouldn’t exchange the valley experiences for the mountain tops because she learns too much in those desert seasons. I remember thinking, “I wouldn’t want a desert over a mountain top”. It’s still true. I wouldn’t choose the desert over the mountain, but I also wouldn’t exchange the desert for the mountain. It has been used and I am thankful for it. I see a little more clearly. I understand a little more deeply. God is good! 

James 1:2-5- “Consider it all joy...”

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